I Am A Fool For You
by Baby Darth Dalloway
Summary: DRABBLE. Suffering writer's block and tried to get my negative Emison feelings out of the way through an Emily-centric drabble. Not my usual happy go lucky so do not read if you're not looking for some moodiness...or if you are looking for sexiness. ;) One-shot Emison drabble during 5x06. Read and definitely reviews if you're able!


I Am a Fool For You

WARNING: I am having INCREDIBLE writer's block after this week's episode. It left me super emo over Emison, so I wrote this random drabble to process. It is SUPER EMO/ MELANCHOLY and Emily-centric. Don't read if you're looking for my usual sexy hopefulness, hehehe.

Author's note: I have not begun chapter 4 of Say Something I'm Giving Up On You because of said writer's block. I think it's largely stemmed from reading many peoples reviews of Emison and a large majority being certain Ali is using Emily, which makes me wonder. I'm a total Emison fan, but at this point in the show, I don't know if they're endgame ready. We probably need to wait till like season 7. Anywho! I will shut up, thank you for reading if you do, I hope to get my writer's mojo back in action to post by next week. ^_^

"I don't want to be alone tonight. Can I stay here?"

I hesitate at her words, and she can see through me like glass. I've always marveled at her ability to see through the acts and facades people placed upon themselves. She is a queen when it comes to acting, and being able to master such a delicate craft makes it easy to notice how those less experienced botch it.

"We'll just sleep. I promise," she adds, and it alleviates the tension I feel, knowing that at least for tonight, I won't lose myself even further, in her.

"Yea… yea of course."

She goes to lie down, and I pull the covers over her. She's out within minutes, probably exhausted after tonight's events, and I decide to lie down on the bed next to her. Part of me is yearning to join her under the warm sheets, to bring my body right up against hers and comfort her. Comfort myself even. But I don't. I can't. I didn't think it would be possible to feel even more conflicted by her after so much time, but my body is a bundle of nerves and uncertainty. I don't know what to do.

We spent the other night with each other, and I've never felt so in love. It was surreal. I kissed her and this time she kissed me back deeply, passionately, and even lovingly. I remember gently grasping the back of her neck, the ends of my fingers in her golden strands, and she pushed me deeper into the bed, rolling on top of me. I never thought she would be so bold, at least with me. I also never thought she would start undressing herself, never thought I would see her look at me like _that_. Not in a sexual way, but a loving one, a love built on need. For once, she was letting herself be the one made of glass. For one night, I was able to really see her.

When I think about it, I believe that's what Ali's always loved most about me; how transparent I am. I hid my sexuality, sure, but that was something I felt I had to hide. Everything else, it's never felt that way. I'm not like the other girls, I've been called Rosewood's resident sweetheart for years for a reason. Maybe I'm obvious, or even predictable. I know for some people, like Paige, I'm delicate and fragile. I'm too kind, so kind and gentle I might break. Maybe I was, a long time ago. However, that's the thing about glass. If you put enough pressure and heat on it, it melts, and it becomes whatever it's meant to be. I may still be glass and obviously see through, but the glass is thicker now, stronger. I am tougher, more durable, and if tonight was any indication, I will fight, especially when it comes to her.

My sigh echoes in the quiet and darkened room, and I sit up against the headboard lost in thought. Things have been hard since the start of junior year, but this is different. She always seems to impact the atmosphere around her, like a black hole, the gravity and magnetism of her influencing everyone and everything that goes near. It's a gift of hers that so many people seem to envy. She's able to manipulate anything comes into contact with, people, situations, and certainly feelings.

I wonder if that's why someone wants her dead. Is it because she's so enchanting, or is it something else? Who is Bethany and who did Ali's mom need to protect? None of this makes any sense. We've fallen in so deeply, the tornado of lies swarming around us, and truthfully, I often think about going to the police and coming clean, starting from the Jenna Thing. Right now, assault charges seem like a vacation compared to the torment of a delusional psychopath. Our lying only seems to make matters worse, sink us a little bit further down the pit, and I wonder if we will reach a point where we'll sink in completely, the lies consuming us and being our ultimate downfall. How did it happen that 5 young girls became so entangled in a web of murder, betrayal and deception? Who is A? What secrets did Mrs. D hide? And when I think about it, what secrets is _she_ still hiding, buried with her in her grave?

She almost left tonight, and god, if she had… my heart would have gone with her. I know myself well enough by now. There's only so much I can take. When I think back on the girls I've been with since her, they seem so far away. She left a void when I thought she died, one without any last conversations or final words to close it. Every person who came along, I tried to put into that space in my heart, trying to fill the spot that I realized over time could only fit her perfectly. Instead of closing that space, instead of trying to heal, I tried to push in loves that would never fit, because it was only meant for her, and now I see that deep down I have never been over her. I couldn't be. And with her here now I understand why.

Maybe some things are meant to be. Maybe I was meant to leave that space vacant because she would eventually come back, perhaps not to fill it, because even now I don't know what she wants from me, but at the very least I have answers. At the very least, I've had one night with her where I saw all of her imperfections, her flaws, her fears. And she was still so beautiful.

I love her. She may be the love of my life. But I know her, all too well. Now that A is back, she is going to start pulling away again. Eventually, she'll run. She'll try her luck. Now it's just a waiting game, and as I sit here waiting for morning to come, I'm terrified. Mona was child's play compared to what we are dealing with now. My feelings for Alison were child's play before we made love and grew into ourselves more. The world has intensified drastically and all I can do right now is watch her sleep, hoping she doesn't rip my heart out, waiting for morning to come.


End file.
